The Illusion of Control

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Guest Blog

By

Dr. Lonnie Robinson

Control is a funny thing. It makes us feel more secure when we have it. We feel insecure when we don’t have it.

There are a lot of things we attempt to control in our lives. We plan for many things, attempt to prevent bad outcomes and ensure good ones instead.

We should eat right and exercise, though I have found these to be very difficult pursuits in my life lately. I am trying to get the “comfort food” out of my diet. We should get a check up with our physician and check your cholesterol, etc. Most of what I do as a physician is to try to get my patients to buy into prevention, rather than treatment. We brush and floss our teeth regularly…well, we brush regularly and occasionally floss our teeth (sorry, Jeff). For me it’s usually just the week or two before my next dentist visit. We buy insurance…Life, Home, Car, Disability, Health, Business, and in my case, Malpractice. We plan and invest for the future. We save for our children’s education.

All of these maneuvers help us to feel as though we are in control. It’s good to plan for the contingencies that life can potentially throw at us and to be prepared, but we are occasionally confronted with situations that show us that we cannot plan for every possibility. This often leads to a feeling of insecurity, as if things are totally out of control.

I was not prepared for, nor was I in control on May 21, 2009, when Lori called me and gave me the terrible news. Similarly, I was not in control on May 12, 2008, when my brother died.

All of us would like to believe that we could have exerted some influence over the situation surrounding these tragedies. Teddy and Lori placed an inordinate amount of trust in my medical opinions, and thus I have essentially been their “family physician by phone” for some time. I certainly am glad to have been there for them on these various occasions. I received a call on my cell phone from Lori that afternoon while they were at the doctor’s office, before anything terrible had happened. She was calling from Teddy’s cell, wanting to ask my advice about what to do about his chest pain. Seeing Teddy’s number, I sent the call to voice mail, thinking it was a casual call and I would just return it later. I didn’t actually listen to the voice mail until after I got the unbelievably horrible news later when Lori called me from the ambulance, already on the way to the hospital.

I have replayed the sequence of events and wondered what difference I might have made had I taken that call. “If only…” My wife pointed out to me that not taking that call may have been a gift of grace. I have shared with many of you that if I had seen Teddy as a patient, I don’t doubt that my actions would have been similar to those of the physician he did see that afternoon. I would like to think that I could have made a difference, that I would have steered him in the direction that would have changed the outcome, but I can’t honestly say that would be true. If I had taken that call and given him the advice I believe I would have given him, how much more guilt would I be living with now?

All this brings me back to what I already knew was true: God is in control, not me…and that, my friend, is a very good thing. His plan is much better than mine, and I gladly defer to Him. I don’t know why it included Teddy’s departure, but someday we will know, and it will make perfect sense. It doesn’t mean that I have to like His plan, or that I am not grieved terribly by the loss of my friend, but I do submit that He is the better person to make the decisions than me.

If you have never seen the movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, I would highly recommend it. There is a scene where one of the children is asking about Aslan, the King of Narnia, whom they have yet to meet. In the movie (based on the C.S. Lewis book), Aslan represents Jesus Christ. The little girl asks Mr. Beaver, “Is he safe?” His response is incredible (paraphrased): “Oh no, deary, he’s not safe at all. But He is good.”

Similarly, this life is not safe, and we are not in total control of the outcomes. Our lives, our relationship with others, and ultimately, our relationship with God requires risk. Loving others always requires risk. Jesus risked it ALL when he demonstrated his love for us on the cross. It’s risky for us to commit our lives to Him, relinquishing control and admitting that we are not in control and turning it over to Him. And He is not safe, but just as the children in Narnia discovered, He is good!

So, I have good news for you if you are feeling insecure or out-of-control. He is in control, and His plan is better than yours or mine. When you give yourself completely to Him and acknowledge that your plan is no longer working, He sends His peace that passes all understanding and though you still may not like the situation, there is a bizarre sense of comfort in the midst of your uncomfortableness.

May that grace and peace be yours today, and may all of us learn to let go and let Him…

Lonnie